31 Weeks

Almost two weeks ago, we had an appointment with our doctor. He told us that the baby was tolerating conditions well and he thought we would make it full term to our October due date. A mere four days later, my body drastically changed. I knew something felt different. After debating and trying to shrug it off, back to the doctor we went. This time, he told us my body was "doing its homework" and Baby Pyper would likely be here in the next 3 weeks. Wow!

It has already been a week since we heard that news. I'm not sure if it has even sunk in that we might meet our baby in the next few weeks. Physically, I'm definitely more uncomfortable now, but I'm hanging in there! I still feel the baby moving around and I love that.

I wanted to write this time to give more of a medical update than I have in the past. It's probably a little harder to read, but it's real. At every appointment, the doctor tells us about different physical features of our baby. Our baby's head is more oval and less round than normal. Since I have such low fluid, the baby's head doesn't have much room. Remarkably, the brain's structure and function is perfect! Also, our doctor always points out the small chest of our baby. As the baby grows and develops, the chest cavity cannot keep up. The chest remains small because the lungs are not developing. There isn't enough fluid to fill the lungs and allow the baby to practice "breathing." While the kidney failure is the cause of the low fluid, the grim prognosis is due to the eventual pulmonary failure.

So when our doctor says our baby is doing well, we understand that he means our baby is surviving right now, and we have more cherished time. It's amazing because it's just a snapshot. He tells us what he sees right then. And as we found out a few weeks ago, things can change so quickly! So every time we have an appointment, we get to take a deep breath, knowing we have that moment, that hour, that day. And beyond that, we know nothing.

Nothing except God can be trusted. So we rest in that. We know he can do anything in our situation, but we also trust that he's given us a very knowledgeable doctor, preparing us for the future. Right now we are walking a very thin line between joy and sadness. As we await labor, delivery, and meeting our baby with anxious excitement, we are also forced to think about the unthinkable. We must think about cemeteries, burial arrangements, grave sites... It's ridiculously hard.

But this is our life right now. I feel like I could lose it at any given moment, and sometimes I do. My husband hugs me and rubs my back until I pull myself together, and on we go.

To all of you who have sent us cards, gifts, or words of encouragement, THANK YOU. You are truly a gift from God. And to those of you walking through your own incredibly difficult time, you are an encouragement and inspiration to me.